Black Nubian Guards stand watch as the topless white women in ancient Egypt bathe each other, until a Sorceress Lady appears, with which Ana has some lesbian sex. How did these loon get to be a professor? Luckily for us, Ana touches it, which whisks her away to a fantasy set ancient Egypt. Whore-Sheep-Slut? I don’t like what that implies… Once the sarcophagus is opened, and we see the mummy, they start manhandling it. The mummy inside belongs to one Hor-Shep-Sut. So they do, which is then followed by opening the sarcophagus, which was sealed like 5000 years ago, in the middle of the warehouse floor, with no special tools, with no special protection, just because Professor Moore is bored. Professor Moore and the lovely Tina Kim are about to open a crate containing a mummy. Instead, he just stares at ancient pottery all day, as we shall see later. This makes less sense, as his job is an Egyptian Studies Professor, so he should be writing papers on those artifacts and applying for grants. SNEAKY NINJA PROFESSOR RATING FULLProfessor Moore (no relation to Michael) and his lovely assistant Tina are opening up crates full of priceless Egyptian artifacts that Ana’s uncle unearthed in Egypt years ago, stole from the country, and then left in boxes collecting dust because he was too busy to do anything with them. What is interesting is his hot assistant, Tina Kim, played by Aysia Lee. Instead, we get some slightly above average looking guy, who is pretty uninteresting. Professor Carter Moore was given one of those names that you picture him as a square-jawed iron man fighting dozens of Nazis bareknuckled, with a ripped shirt, as he escapes over the boarder to Switzerland so he can return to fight the Nazis another day. Since good old Whemple University seems pretty lax on such rules, her affair with Professor Carter Moore is a somewhat open secret. Here she plays the typical college girl, banging her professor. (Or is it Mummy wrap? Actually, the title of the song makes that joke as well, as the joke was fresh back when most Mummies were still full of life.) Our heroine is Ana Harwa, played by the lovely Sasha Peralto. Hey….SHE’S NAKED! WHOA!Īfter the opening credits nakedness, we focus in at Whemple University (Go Whemp U!) where the security guards are hard at work listening to Mummy Rap. Let’s see what’s on the pay channels tonight…HBO has Out For A Kill, Showtime is playing a Queer as Folk marathon…what’s this? The Mummy’s Kiss? I liked the first two Mummy movies, let’s give this one a whirl. Luckily Step-father is asleep on the couch, so we can change channels without much trouble. Shhhh!!! Be very very quiet! We’re sneaking downstairs to catch a glimpse of late night TV, since we’re tired of going to bed early. Sasha Peralto as Ana Harwa/Princess Hat-Em-Akhet
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